Having said this, if I don't know you, have not knowingly signed up for your adverts, and you plan on selling me something, you should read this.
The increasing problem of unsolicited commercial electronic mail, better known on the 'net as "spam", has necessitated the need to take drastic measures. For the purposes of this contact, a "spam" will be construed as any electronic mail of a commercial nature that I did not ask for. Further, senate bill 301 is not law - even if your mail is "301 compliant", it is is neither welcome nor legal. You are the scum of the earth, you are a waste of space, you are not worthy to be fed to my cats. I hate and despise your type and wish you to fuck off and die. I will not do violent things to you, but I have other plans for your type.
Accordingly, the blanket statement: if you are emailing me and 1) I don't know you, 2) you are selling me something, and 3) I didn't ask for the email, the emailer is subject to possible revocation of their account by means of tracing through spamcop. This is to be considered a cease and desist order - you will not email me anything else, nor will you pass my address on to anyone else. Further emails from your company may be subject to a $500 receipt fee, a $500 proofreading fee, and a consulting fee ($50/hr, minimum two hours). If you receive this invoice, you have 3 days to work out arrangements with me or face a suit in Orange County small claims court for all fees above plus court fees plus more consulting fees. If you send mail to the address below, you agree to these conditions unconditionally and irrevocably.
If you send a virus, it had best be unintentional. Klez is probably unintentional. Nonetheless, you will probably get a letter from your ISP's abuse department reminding you to clean up your machine. Note, if you are an AOL user, you may lose your account. If you are using Windows, you should be using anti-virus software. I recommend Symantec. Get it here.
If of course you are emailing me for legitimate reasons, you don't have to worry.
In any case, by mailing me at the following address:
you agree to these terms.
Or, you can snail mail me:
-Dennis